Gutless. Witless. Pathetic.

One of the major problems with keeping a regular blog on your football team is that while it’s great fun to wax lyrical on famous victories and dazzling players, bringing yourself to write about those days when your heroes don’t quite cover themselves in glory isn’t quite as enjoyable.

So it is then that I’ve given myself a couple of days to recover from the farcical debacle of Tuesday night at Glanford Park, but the passing hours have barely dimmed how utterly appalled I am at Argyle’s performance in the 1-0 defeat against Scunthorpe United.

Admittedly, there were mitigating factors. The howling wind gusting off the Humber rendered anything but on-the-floor tactics impractical in the first half, and, under Paul Sturrock, this is not Argyle’s forte. But our brainless incompetence in adapting to this was still a site to behold, or rather, one I wish I hadn't. Once Scunthorpe – who were even worse than Argyle and comfortably the poorest side I’ve ever seen in the second tier of English professional football – managed to squeeze a rather fortunate effort past Luke McCormick early in the second half, referee Stuart Attwell appeared to decide that it would be easier, in such an awful game, for the team who scored first to win, and from there on in Argyle were the victims of a run of decisions almost as disgraceful as their performance.

The men in yellow were as awful as our luminous away kit. Lee Hodges, mystifyingly restored to left-back in place of the improving Gary Sawyer, insisted on hoofing the ball skywards every time he received it, despite the force of the wind curling every effort backwards. Hodges, who never had the technical gifts even for third level football but has often displayed enough grit and determination to disguise these failings, was on this occasion so bad that when McCormick was sent off on 71 minutes for handling the ball outside his area, Hodges replaced him and was actually better between the sticks than he had been outfield.

Steve McLean’s ridiculous ineptitude was almost funny, displaying an inability to complete one-yard passes or keep control of even the gentlest of loose balls. Argyle’s most expensive ever signing looked at best lost and at worst uninterested, and got absolutely nowhere near even having a shot at goal, let alone scoring. Lilian Nalis and Jimmy Abdou, in central midfield, were ineffectual to the extent that the only time they were noticed was when needlessly giving away the ball. Paul Connolly's primary achievement was managing to sky the white sphere high, over and out of the shack masquerading as a Championship football ground (which provoked such classics and "My garden shed is bigger than this...", and the more modern twist of "Is your ground from MFI?" from the Green Army) on three separate occasions.

The roll-call of villains in day-glo had a few notable exceptions. Jamie Mackie was given his first start at long last and was Argyle’s sole attacking threat, with the pace, energy, and desire lacking elsewhere. Picking up the ball and realising the rest of his team were going to be of little use, Mackie took on the Scunny defence single-handedly, beating defenders and causing havoc. Sturrock seemed to be mocking either Mackie, the fans, or perhaps even himself when choosing to withdraw the 22-year-old from Horsham for lost cause Rory Fallon. Luggy also refused to bring on Jermaine Easter, who had not even really deserved to be dropped, instead persevering with the hopeless McLean.

Gary Teale added more urgency when on as a sub for Chris Clark, who until this moment I had completely forgotten the existence of, such was his anonymity.

And Russell Anderson was generally able to neutralise what passed for a Scunthorpe attack, despite the goal.

Despite all of this, Argyle still should have won. Scunthorpe were a collective of clueless pub players with a dodgy keeper and a colander defence. On any other day the Greens should have won 7 or 8-0. It is laughable that Scunthorpe manager Nigel Adkins described his players as 'absolutely magnificent'. If that's true, I'd hate to see them on a bad day. No wonder there were less than 4000 home fans present.

It must be said that the 400 or so travelling supporters were, as usual, immense, providing faultless vocal encouragement for the majority of the game, until even the infinite stoicism which the average Argyle exile wears like a badge of honour began to disintegrate. The likes of Mackie and McCormick - the players that care - clearly appreciated this, and were not shy about showing it. A pumped fist from Mackie and a quick clap from Luke while play continued said it all. And the keeper gave the Green throng the best moment of the entire evening, clearing up a slack Connolly backpass with a nonchalant drag back and turn which left the advancing Scunny striker flailing.

The Argyle fans were certainly louder than their hosts. Even after scoring and at the final whistle, the Lincolnshire natives were largely silent, save for a dozen or so screeching kids immediately to our right. I have literally never encountered such an unenthusiastic home crowd, although as previously explained, their team provide little to shout about.

I’m struggling to decide whether the similarly poor results for Argyle’s playoff challengers – Hull, Ipswich, Charlton, and Wolves – in the last couple of days is a good or bad thing. On the one hand, we are still very much in the race - seventh, only a point away from the magical zone which will allow the extension of our season beyond 46 games. Had we beaten the Iron, as we really should have done, Argyle would be fifth on 58 points, two ahead of Charlton and Hull.

This is despite three defeats in four games, which really should have seen us left in the dirt. But the Championship is wildly unpredictable this season. I’d have said it was a poor league, but the FA Cup semi-final line-up, with three teams from the second tier present, somewhat contradicts this. And two of those, Barnsley (who have beaten two members of the ‘big four’, Liverpool and Chelsea, on their way to Wembley) and Cardiff, are nowhere near the playoffs.

So, in conclusion, if Argyle beat Bristol City at Ashton Gate on Saturday, which I doubt we will, then anything is possible. If we don’t, the playoff charge is definitely over. I’m sure of it. Maybe. Unless we then win a few games…

RICH PARTINGTON

'The Three Maccateers' continue Argyle revival

A week is a long time in…blah blah blah.

But how apt a phrase that is today. Six points, two clean sheets, and a pair of commanding performances on, the pessimism pervading Plymouth Argyle at the end of January has given way to renewed hopes of a Championship play-off punt.

Argyle sit just two points outside the top six after Tuesday’s comprehensive 3-0 success at home to ten-man Barnsley, Yorkshire’s best side this year, who beat us 3-2 at Oakwell in August. Indeed, at the final whistle the BBC Sport website – which, for me, is the definitive resource for all football matters – actually had the Pilgrims sat in sixth spot , before a win for Ipswich at Crystal Palace and Burnley’s Andy Cole-inspired comeback at QPR dropped us back down to eighth.

Still, after I’d all but given up on a real run at promotion after the home defeat to Hull a couple of weeks ago, the race is very much back on and I’m chewing away at my green-and-white hat.

Luke McCormick deserves a huge amount of credit for this. Romain Larrieu’s return from injury this season appears to have spurred ‘Super Luke’ on, and, with the Frenchman out of action again, Luke has assumed a commanding status in the Argyle goal. For the first time, as well, McCormick looks the club’s undisputed number one, whoever he is competing with.

The Coventry-born stopper’s lack of height has been a traditional weakness, from the very first time I saw him – away at Tranmere in 2002, when 85 minutes of inspired shot-stopping was undone by two late blunders which gave the home side victory. Under the returning Paul Sturrock, though, McCormick has learned to mask this with aerial confidence and an exemplary all-round game. His kicking has always been long and strong; he thinks quickly and often wins one-on-one contests with opposing attackers.

There were rumours of interest from Middlesbrough in January, but these came to nothing. Luke would probably leave if an offer like this came in, but so would most Championship players. For now he seems content at Home Park, enjoying the lack of national expectation and pressure which goes with a 'bigger' club and quietly guiding his side up the table.

From looking likely to leave the club several times in the last couple of months – first after seeming to back Ian Holloway’s departure in a press statement, and then in the aftermath of an admittedly reasonable declaration that there could only be one first-choice keeper at Argyle – McCormick has established himself as the goalkeeping future at Home Park.

This is arguably less than fair on Larrieu, an Argyle legend and fan favourite, who has been unlucky with injuries. The growth in his abdomen currently keeping the Frenchman out is the latest in a string of problems, with a serious knee injury and a cancer scare forcing lengthy lay-offs while at Home Park. At 31, he is in the prime of his goalkeeping life, and will not want to play second fiddle to his young English rival, but it would be a shame to lose him.

While McCormick kept Barnsley at bay on Tuesday night the other ‘Maccateers’ (and I’m copywriting that phrase, by the way) were making the difference at the other end.
Record-signing Steve McLean’s free-kick gave Argyle a fifth minute lead, and the Scottish striker his first goal in green. The wily forward has been settling well, delighting the Green Army with his cleverness, technique, and reading of the game. But he needed a goal, and while he will never be an arch-poacher like Sylvan Ebanks-Blake, who he replaced in the number nine shirt, his overall qualities are of greater value to the team. McLean reportedly loves his new home, and he could form a great partnership with another new arrival.

Jamie Mackie was not, for Pilgrim fans, initially the most exciting signing in our history. He came from Exeter, a club we treat with withering disdain, and had only bagged 11 goals this season in a league three levels lower than the Championship.

On as a sub for the hard-working, pacy Jermaine Easter, however, and he looked a man possessed. Only eleven seconds had passed when Mackie charged into the box, took a pass from Peter Halmosi and displayed tremendous strength and composure in shrugging off two defenders to score. His second goal was even better, receiving the ball down the right channel, teasing and twisting the defender and smashing home.

It was one of the most inspired and surprising cameos I’ve seen from a player in green. Here is a rough diamond, clearly tremendously talented but also oozing arrogance and self-regard, as his dancing celebration displayed – personal glory is obviously a major priority for the 22-year-old from Dorking. But if he plays like that every week he can have a statue outside the Devonport End for all I care. Mackie’s a showman, a superstar in his own head, and with the potential to become one on the pitch as well. If anyone's going to take over SEB's goalscoring mantle, he has staked a prime claim to be that man. It's a little harsh on Easter, who has performed well for Argyle without getting the breaks, or goals. But Mackie made his own opportunities against Barnsley, and sometime's that's the sign of a great player, as opposed to a good one.

And Paul Wotton’s back! What a week!

Roll on Southampton, and I’m getting a bit excited just at the thought of it.

RICH PARTINGTON