Gutless. Witless. Pathetic.

One of the major problems with keeping a regular blog on your football team is that while it’s great fun to wax lyrical on famous victories and dazzling players, bringing yourself to write about those days when your heroes don’t quite cover themselves in glory isn’t quite as enjoyable.

So it is then that I’ve given myself a couple of days to recover from the farcical debacle of Tuesday night at Glanford Park, but the passing hours have barely dimmed how utterly appalled I am at Argyle’s performance in the 1-0 defeat against Scunthorpe United.

Admittedly, there were mitigating factors. The howling wind gusting off the Humber rendered anything but on-the-floor tactics impractical in the first half, and, under Paul Sturrock, this is not Argyle’s forte. But our brainless incompetence in adapting to this was still a site to behold, or rather, one I wish I hadn't. Once Scunthorpe – who were even worse than Argyle and comfortably the poorest side I’ve ever seen in the second tier of English professional football – managed to squeeze a rather fortunate effort past Luke McCormick early in the second half, referee Stuart Attwell appeared to decide that it would be easier, in such an awful game, for the team who scored first to win, and from there on in Argyle were the victims of a run of decisions almost as disgraceful as their performance.

The men in yellow were as awful as our luminous away kit. Lee Hodges, mystifyingly restored to left-back in place of the improving Gary Sawyer, insisted on hoofing the ball skywards every time he received it, despite the force of the wind curling every effort backwards. Hodges, who never had the technical gifts even for third level football but has often displayed enough grit and determination to disguise these failings, was on this occasion so bad that when McCormick was sent off on 71 minutes for handling the ball outside his area, Hodges replaced him and was actually better between the sticks than he had been outfield.

Steve McLean’s ridiculous ineptitude was almost funny, displaying an inability to complete one-yard passes or keep control of even the gentlest of loose balls. Argyle’s most expensive ever signing looked at best lost and at worst uninterested, and got absolutely nowhere near even having a shot at goal, let alone scoring. Lilian Nalis and Jimmy Abdou, in central midfield, were ineffectual to the extent that the only time they were noticed was when needlessly giving away the ball. Paul Connolly's primary achievement was managing to sky the white sphere high, over and out of the shack masquerading as a Championship football ground (which provoked such classics and "My garden shed is bigger than this...", and the more modern twist of "Is your ground from MFI?" from the Green Army) on three separate occasions.

The roll-call of villains in day-glo had a few notable exceptions. Jamie Mackie was given his first start at long last and was Argyle’s sole attacking threat, with the pace, energy, and desire lacking elsewhere. Picking up the ball and realising the rest of his team were going to be of little use, Mackie took on the Scunny defence single-handedly, beating defenders and causing havoc. Sturrock seemed to be mocking either Mackie, the fans, or perhaps even himself when choosing to withdraw the 22-year-old from Horsham for lost cause Rory Fallon. Luggy also refused to bring on Jermaine Easter, who had not even really deserved to be dropped, instead persevering with the hopeless McLean.

Gary Teale added more urgency when on as a sub for Chris Clark, who until this moment I had completely forgotten the existence of, such was his anonymity.

And Russell Anderson was generally able to neutralise what passed for a Scunthorpe attack, despite the goal.

Despite all of this, Argyle still should have won. Scunthorpe were a collective of clueless pub players with a dodgy keeper and a colander defence. On any other day the Greens should have won 7 or 8-0. It is laughable that Scunthorpe manager Nigel Adkins described his players as 'absolutely magnificent'. If that's true, I'd hate to see them on a bad day. No wonder there were less than 4000 home fans present.

It must be said that the 400 or so travelling supporters were, as usual, immense, providing faultless vocal encouragement for the majority of the game, until even the infinite stoicism which the average Argyle exile wears like a badge of honour began to disintegrate. The likes of Mackie and McCormick - the players that care - clearly appreciated this, and were not shy about showing it. A pumped fist from Mackie and a quick clap from Luke while play continued said it all. And the keeper gave the Green throng the best moment of the entire evening, clearing up a slack Connolly backpass with a nonchalant drag back and turn which left the advancing Scunny striker flailing.

The Argyle fans were certainly louder than their hosts. Even after scoring and at the final whistle, the Lincolnshire natives were largely silent, save for a dozen or so screeching kids immediately to our right. I have literally never encountered such an unenthusiastic home crowd, although as previously explained, their team provide little to shout about.

I’m struggling to decide whether the similarly poor results for Argyle’s playoff challengers – Hull, Ipswich, Charlton, and Wolves – in the last couple of days is a good or bad thing. On the one hand, we are still very much in the race - seventh, only a point away from the magical zone which will allow the extension of our season beyond 46 games. Had we beaten the Iron, as we really should have done, Argyle would be fifth on 58 points, two ahead of Charlton and Hull.

This is despite three defeats in four games, which really should have seen us left in the dirt. But the Championship is wildly unpredictable this season. I’d have said it was a poor league, but the FA Cup semi-final line-up, with three teams from the second tier present, somewhat contradicts this. And two of those, Barnsley (who have beaten two members of the ‘big four’, Liverpool and Chelsea, on their way to Wembley) and Cardiff, are nowhere near the playoffs.

So, in conclusion, if Argyle beat Bristol City at Ashton Gate on Saturday, which I doubt we will, then anything is possible. If we don’t, the playoff charge is definitely over. I’m sure of it. Maybe. Unless we then win a few games…

RICH PARTINGTON

Transfer deadline blues

Roughly £4.9million received in player sales. Only £1.5million spent. When I mused in previous blogs that, despite the gloomy outlook, Plymouth Argyle might end the January transfer window with a stronger squad than they began it, I was possibly being a little over-optimistic.

Of course, money isn't everything, and the cut-price signings we have made could easily prove to be better than the players sold. But Argyle seemed to lose out to their Championship rivals on so many big targets this month, it almost became a cruel joke. Preston signed both Aberdeen right-back Michael Hart and Oldham’s highly-rated centre-half Neal Trotman. Talented Sheffield Wednesday midfielder Glenn Whelan, who many felt would be a strong replacement for Argyle’s departing David Norris, has instead joined Stoke.

Sheffield United defender Leigh Bromby went to Watford, although for an inflated price of £600,000 (which could rise to £850,000). The £400,000 bid Paul Sturrock tabled for the right-back seemed reasonable, but clearly those kind of offers are not enough to secure the kind of players who can secure Argyle a play-off place, when competing against a relegated Premiership club who have ridiculously huge parachute payments to call on.

Much of Luggy’s wheeling and dealing has indeed been attempting to sign a right-sided full-back to provide competition for Paul Connolly, who has pretty much had the run of the role since David Worrell left in 2005. There is a groundswell of opinion among Argyle fans that Connolly is one of the weaker links in the team, and that, at least, further options in that position would be welcome, particularly after the sale of the versatile youngster Dan Gosling to Everton. However, it seems efforts to secure this have been unsuccessful.

Left-back has been another problem position, with Lee Hodges ageing and technically deficient despite his boundless, admirable commitment. Youth product Gary Sawyer, who looked towards the end of 2006-7, has not progressed as hoped this season, with many believing he is more at home in the crowded centre-back position. Luggy moved yesterday to strengthen here, with Motherwell’s Jim Paterson coming in for a reported £250,000. This looks a good signing and, with Paterson apparently good going forward as well as defending, Peter Halmosi can expect increased support down an already dangerous and potent left side.

Norris, of course, has gone, with Argyle eventually receiving £1.25million of Ipswich’s £2million fee, thanks to the Tractor Boys’ close ties with Bolton, who originally held a 50% sell-on clause on the player. This seems a reasonable return with the player out of contract in eighteen months – he’d never have signed another one, and his value in the summer would have been lower. The question now is whether any of the three new midfield recruits – Chris Clark, Yoann Folly, or the currently imjured loanee Gyorgy Sandor – can adequately replace Norris. Clark looks the most likely, with a goal and some impressive performances already under his belt. If Sturrock prefers the Scot in the centre, Nadjim Abdou could return to a right-sided role.

Up front, the pressure is all on Steve McLean, already appreciated by many fans, despite his penalty miss in Tuesday’s 0-0 draw at Ipswich. This result was an odd one, with the hosts dominating, but Argyle having a great chance to win it. McLean will be expected to pick up Sylvan Ebanks-Blake’s goalscoring mantle, although it remains to be seen whether big man Rory Fallon or the pacy, improving Jermaine Easter will partner him. Personally I’d like to see the two smaller, skilful players in tandem, but it seems unlikely – Luggy likes a target man and a goalscorer.

Tommorrow the Pilgrims face Hull, in a game which - and I can not stress this enough - we simply MUST win to stay in touch with the play-off hunt. Having beaten the Tigers twice this season already this should be more than possible. If not we’ll have to start looking over our shoulder – four points behind the top six, we’re also only ten points ahead of the bottom three…

RICH PARTINGTON

Referee and Millwall end Cheltenham's perfect record

Tuesday night was, in clichéd terms, "just one of those days." In the morning, things looked promising; the sun was shining, and the weather was such that I could have ventured into my University campus in a t-shirt and shorts and not even felt midly chilly.

So following a rather uneventful day’s lectures, and an uneventful evening spent watching Hollyoaks and occasionally playing Football Manager, I made the short journey down to Whaddon Road.

This was my first experience of a match involving Millwall FC. Was their fans’ reputation deserved? If Cheltenham won would they start attacking the home support and vandalising cars? Would a Cheltenham defeat be better for my safety? As it was they remained perfectly well behaved, if not a little bit quiet, though only the hardcore fans would have relished a Tuesday night trip to the Westcountry.

Frustratingly Scott Brown – who surely must be fit by now – remained on the bench, with Andy Lindegaard, who still hasn't been totally convincing, on the left hand side. Ancient full backs Wright and Gill of course kept their places.

The first half was a game of few chances, and rather scrappy, similar to the Bournemouth game. It ended with Dave Bird breaking his nose. Despite carrying on for a few minutes, he was replaced at half time by Adam Connolly, who I was sure had gone out on loan by now. Despite being a free scoring central midfielder on my successful Cheltenham career on FIFA 08, Adam has struggled in the real world, but he was given a chance, and to be fair, he didn't do at all badly.

The goal came ten minutes into the second half, and was scored by Gary Alexander. I'm not sure how to describe the goal, but it was very scrappy, and very "League One" in execution. It will not feature in compilation videos in the future.

Scott Brown's appearance came much too late. Brown, a decent central midfielder, would probably have been a better bet than Connolly to replace Dave Bird. My belief however is that Keith Downing was saving Brown to replace Lindegaard or D'Agostino later in the game. In the end both wingers came off, to be replaced by Brown and cult hero Damien Spencer, who came on, ran about a bit, and nearly scored a header.

Not helping either was the referee. Any dubious offside decision was awarded in Millwall's favour, blatant fouls and handballs were missed, and Millwall's appalling timewasting – "Oh no! I've suffered a terrible injury! I'd best lie on the floor for ten minutes writhing in agony...oh wait it's just a stubbed toe." The man in black’s performance brought the usual cries of "How much are they paying you?" and as the game wore on, it became apparent that Cheltenham weren't going to score. And they didn't.

And thus what I hoped would be a great night became only an "alright" night, and Cheltenham must now look ahead to the game against Gillingham on Saturday, which, due to my dislike of the London Underground, I will probably not be attending.

JAMES LEWIS

Halmosi and co could make Sturrock king again

Plymouth Argyle's 2-1 defeat against Championship strugglers Norwich City on Tuesday night may have continued an unspectacular start for returning manager Paul Sturrock, but the ingredients seem to be in place to suggest significant success is within reach.

Losing at home to an excellent West Brom outfit in Luggy’s first game back at Home Park was disappointing, but certainly no disgrace. And goals from Sylvan Ebanks-Blake, Krisztian Timar, and Nadjim Abdou chalked up the first points of the new regime in Saturday’s 3-0 home win over Scunthorpe.

Norwich seem somewhat revitalised under Glen Roeder, whose knack for making a notable initial impact at a new club continues. He did the same as Newcastle United caretaker in the latter part of the 2005-6 season, and was given the job full-time, eventually discovering St. James’s Park to be as much of a managerial graveyard as most of his predecessors.

Reduced-price ticket schemes for Tuesday’s match (shows what a big draw Plymouth are!) dragged more than 25,000 into Carrow Road, and the big crowd seemed to intimidate referee Paul Taylor, whose decision to award an 87th minute penalty for Paul Connolly’s clearly ball-winning challenge on Darren Huckerby was quite frankly shocking.

But, looking at the bigger picture, the playing staff currently present at Home Park look well-equipped for a Sturrock team.

A few are still there from his last reign, of course. Romain Larrieu and Luke McCormick continue to dispute the goalkeeping jersey, with the former deservedly holding sway at present.

Paul Connolly broke through from the youth ranks in Luggy’s last season and, after looking out of his depth in the second tier for the last few years, appears somewhat rejuvenated at right-back, his performance in the 1-0 win at Sheffield United on November 24 a particular highlight.

Lee Hodges has defied all predictions, and his own advancing years, to adapt admirably to a higher level, although again it has taken time, and those wearying legs have necessitated a move backwards from midfield.

David Norris, a Sturrock find, continues to work his arse off in midfield, and the old tendency to sprint down blind alleys appears to be waning. Paul Wotton, Mr. Plymouth Argyle and the club captain, remains also, and is approaching recovery from knee ligament damage sustained more than a year ago.

But whether he’ll break back into the side must be a moot point. For there is an abundance of talent elsewhere in the squad.

It has often been said of Sturrock that his talents are in the lower leagues; and promotions with Sheffield Wednesday, Swindon Town, and of course Plymouth (esentially twice) seem to support this. He is yet to achieve anything massive above the lower levels, unfairly sacked at Wednesday (they’ve not got any better since) and Southampton (they’ve got a lot worse).

At St. Mary’s Luggy bought Peter Crouch, who scored a hatful of goals and was sold on at a massive profit. Given only thirteen games, Sturrock won a respectable five, but was hounded out by negative media coverage, and, allegedly, a dressing room revolt involving the likes of Kevin Phillips and James Beattie, ‘star’ names who apparently objected to their managers fashion sense and strict changing regimes. Both have long since left the Saints, who have plummeted out of the Premier League and towards financial meltdown.

Sturrock, it seems, does not suffer fools, or big egos gladly. He’ll have been pleased to find a refreshing absence of those at Plymouth. Despite three nightclub-related arrests of Argyle players in the last eighteen months – Marcel Seip (twice) and Ebanks-Blake the culprits – these are a hard-working bunch with a similar team ethic to that instilled in the rampant 2001-2004 sides.

Seip is a rock at the back, magnificently consistent and an excellent reader of the game. Timar, who nicked his second goal in as many games at Norwich, in so doing recalled one Graham Coughlan – a monstrous figure arriving late in the box, splitting the defence, and delivering a powerful header.

The Gallic pairing of Abdou and the veteran Lilian Nalis reflect many of the qualities the David Friio-Steve Adams partnership brought in the centre of the Argyle midfield. Nalis is a vastly improved version of Adams, winning the ball constantly, and subtly orchestrating the midfield, albeit with the technical ability, shooting boots, and attacking thrust the Plymothian lacked. ‘Jimmy’, meanwhile, has some way to go to match Friio’s legendary status, but arriving late in the box and slotting home like he did on Saturday is a good way to go about it.

In attack Ebanks-Blake, Jermaine Easter, Barry Hayles, and Rory Fallon provide Sturrock with a far more competent stable of strikers than during his initial tenure, but the real gem is on the left hand side of midfield.

Hungarian international Peter Halmosi was Argyle’s record signing when joining from Debrecen for £400,000 in the summer, making permanent and impressive loan spell. His displays this season have raised the bar for every player at the club, a constant source of creation and invention. All three strikes against Scunthorpe were products of his assists, and Luggy is clearly a fan.

Halmosi’s humble yet fiercely determined nature – he has made it clear he wants to play in the Premiership – mark him out at the archetypal Paul Sturrock player. He’ll surely be in the top league next season, with or without Argyle.

RICH PARTINGTON