Gutless. Witless. Pathetic.

One of the major problems with keeping a regular blog on your football team is that while it’s great fun to wax lyrical on famous victories and dazzling players, bringing yourself to write about those days when your heroes don’t quite cover themselves in glory isn’t quite as enjoyable.

So it is then that I’ve given myself a couple of days to recover from the farcical debacle of Tuesday night at Glanford Park, but the passing hours have barely dimmed how utterly appalled I am at Argyle’s performance in the 1-0 defeat against Scunthorpe United.

Admittedly, there were mitigating factors. The howling wind gusting off the Humber rendered anything but on-the-floor tactics impractical in the first half, and, under Paul Sturrock, this is not Argyle’s forte. But our brainless incompetence in adapting to this was still a site to behold, or rather, one I wish I hadn't. Once Scunthorpe – who were even worse than Argyle and comfortably the poorest side I’ve ever seen in the second tier of English professional football – managed to squeeze a rather fortunate effort past Luke McCormick early in the second half, referee Stuart Attwell appeared to decide that it would be easier, in such an awful game, for the team who scored first to win, and from there on in Argyle were the victims of a run of decisions almost as disgraceful as their performance.

The men in yellow were as awful as our luminous away kit. Lee Hodges, mystifyingly restored to left-back in place of the improving Gary Sawyer, insisted on hoofing the ball skywards every time he received it, despite the force of the wind curling every effort backwards. Hodges, who never had the technical gifts even for third level football but has often displayed enough grit and determination to disguise these failings, was on this occasion so bad that when McCormick was sent off on 71 minutes for handling the ball outside his area, Hodges replaced him and was actually better between the sticks than he had been outfield.

Steve McLean’s ridiculous ineptitude was almost funny, displaying an inability to complete one-yard passes or keep control of even the gentlest of loose balls. Argyle’s most expensive ever signing looked at best lost and at worst uninterested, and got absolutely nowhere near even having a shot at goal, let alone scoring. Lilian Nalis and Jimmy Abdou, in central midfield, were ineffectual to the extent that the only time they were noticed was when needlessly giving away the ball. Paul Connolly's primary achievement was managing to sky the white sphere high, over and out of the shack masquerading as a Championship football ground (which provoked such classics and "My garden shed is bigger than this...", and the more modern twist of "Is your ground from MFI?" from the Green Army) on three separate occasions.

The roll-call of villains in day-glo had a few notable exceptions. Jamie Mackie was given his first start at long last and was Argyle’s sole attacking threat, with the pace, energy, and desire lacking elsewhere. Picking up the ball and realising the rest of his team were going to be of little use, Mackie took on the Scunny defence single-handedly, beating defenders and causing havoc. Sturrock seemed to be mocking either Mackie, the fans, or perhaps even himself when choosing to withdraw the 22-year-old from Horsham for lost cause Rory Fallon. Luggy also refused to bring on Jermaine Easter, who had not even really deserved to be dropped, instead persevering with the hopeless McLean.

Gary Teale added more urgency when on as a sub for Chris Clark, who until this moment I had completely forgotten the existence of, such was his anonymity.

And Russell Anderson was generally able to neutralise what passed for a Scunthorpe attack, despite the goal.

Despite all of this, Argyle still should have won. Scunthorpe were a collective of clueless pub players with a dodgy keeper and a colander defence. On any other day the Greens should have won 7 or 8-0. It is laughable that Scunthorpe manager Nigel Adkins described his players as 'absolutely magnificent'. If that's true, I'd hate to see them on a bad day. No wonder there were less than 4000 home fans present.

It must be said that the 400 or so travelling supporters were, as usual, immense, providing faultless vocal encouragement for the majority of the game, until even the infinite stoicism which the average Argyle exile wears like a badge of honour began to disintegrate. The likes of Mackie and McCormick - the players that care - clearly appreciated this, and were not shy about showing it. A pumped fist from Mackie and a quick clap from Luke while play continued said it all. And the keeper gave the Green throng the best moment of the entire evening, clearing up a slack Connolly backpass with a nonchalant drag back and turn which left the advancing Scunny striker flailing.

The Argyle fans were certainly louder than their hosts. Even after scoring and at the final whistle, the Lincolnshire natives were largely silent, save for a dozen or so screeching kids immediately to our right. I have literally never encountered such an unenthusiastic home crowd, although as previously explained, their team provide little to shout about.

I’m struggling to decide whether the similarly poor results for Argyle’s playoff challengers – Hull, Ipswich, Charlton, and Wolves – in the last couple of days is a good or bad thing. On the one hand, we are still very much in the race - seventh, only a point away from the magical zone which will allow the extension of our season beyond 46 games. Had we beaten the Iron, as we really should have done, Argyle would be fifth on 58 points, two ahead of Charlton and Hull.

This is despite three defeats in four games, which really should have seen us left in the dirt. But the Championship is wildly unpredictable this season. I’d have said it was a poor league, but the FA Cup semi-final line-up, with three teams from the second tier present, somewhat contradicts this. And two of those, Barnsley (who have beaten two members of the ‘big four’, Liverpool and Chelsea, on their way to Wembley) and Cardiff, are nowhere near the playoffs.

So, in conclusion, if Argyle beat Bristol City at Ashton Gate on Saturday, which I doubt we will, then anything is possible. If we don’t, the playoff charge is definitely over. I’m sure of it. Maybe. Unless we then win a few games…

RICH PARTINGTON

City come out on top in grudge match

This game was billed as a ‘grudge match’ since Scunthorpe beat us to the League One title last season and we were looking for revenge. Although, Scunthorpe finished higher than City, it is the Robins who have settled in the Championship. Prior to the match, we were third in the Championship and only one point off leaders Watford.

Nigel Adkins’ team, on the other hand, are struggling near the foot of the table, facing the threat of relegation. Despite our high position, this was billed as a ‘must win game’, as Gary Johnson’s team looked to win away for the first time in 2008.

This match was always going to be difficult as the pitch at Glanford Park is not exactly perfect for playing good football. It is much shorter and narrower than our surface at Ashton Gate so the players would have to adapt. The solution to this problem was to resize our training pitch in preparation for the game. We were also without our captain Louis Carey, who had suffered a foot injury at the weekend, so a win would take some hard work. Judging by the radio commentary in the first 20 minutes Scunthorpe had most of the possession and created the most chances. We did however force our way into the game and Jamie McCombe came close with a header which went just wide of the post.

In the second half our play sounded a lot brighter, with chances being created but still no goals. With time running out Johnson introduced defender Tamas Vasko to play up front in place of Dele Adebola. The substitution paid off when Vasko’s presence in the box distracted goalkeeper Joe Murphy, and Bradley Orr’s left-footed, curling effort ended up in the far corner of the net.

For the next ten minutes I was sitting on the edge of my seat while the final minutes were played out. The win was crucial, with Stoke and Watford both winning it was important to claim all three points. And with West Brom only managing a draw at home to stuttering Sheffield United, the win was even more welcome.

Last season, we travelled to Glanford Park and lost 1-0 to a Billy Sharp goal. After the game, the Scunny players celebrated by unsportingly banging on the away dressing room door. All I can say is; I hope we gave them the same treatment. Let me say to Scunthorpe, League One here you come and to City, Premiership here we come!

ANDY DAVIES

Halmosi and co could make Sturrock king again

Plymouth Argyle's 2-1 defeat against Championship strugglers Norwich City on Tuesday night may have continued an unspectacular start for returning manager Paul Sturrock, but the ingredients seem to be in place to suggest significant success is within reach.

Losing at home to an excellent West Brom outfit in Luggy’s first game back at Home Park was disappointing, but certainly no disgrace. And goals from Sylvan Ebanks-Blake, Krisztian Timar, and Nadjim Abdou chalked up the first points of the new regime in Saturday’s 3-0 home win over Scunthorpe.

Norwich seem somewhat revitalised under Glen Roeder, whose knack for making a notable initial impact at a new club continues. He did the same as Newcastle United caretaker in the latter part of the 2005-6 season, and was given the job full-time, eventually discovering St. James’s Park to be as much of a managerial graveyard as most of his predecessors.

Reduced-price ticket schemes for Tuesday’s match (shows what a big draw Plymouth are!) dragged more than 25,000 into Carrow Road, and the big crowd seemed to intimidate referee Paul Taylor, whose decision to award an 87th minute penalty for Paul Connolly’s clearly ball-winning challenge on Darren Huckerby was quite frankly shocking.

But, looking at the bigger picture, the playing staff currently present at Home Park look well-equipped for a Sturrock team.

A few are still there from his last reign, of course. Romain Larrieu and Luke McCormick continue to dispute the goalkeeping jersey, with the former deservedly holding sway at present.

Paul Connolly broke through from the youth ranks in Luggy’s last season and, after looking out of his depth in the second tier for the last few years, appears somewhat rejuvenated at right-back, his performance in the 1-0 win at Sheffield United on November 24 a particular highlight.

Lee Hodges has defied all predictions, and his own advancing years, to adapt admirably to a higher level, although again it has taken time, and those wearying legs have necessitated a move backwards from midfield.

David Norris, a Sturrock find, continues to work his arse off in midfield, and the old tendency to sprint down blind alleys appears to be waning. Paul Wotton, Mr. Plymouth Argyle and the club captain, remains also, and is approaching recovery from knee ligament damage sustained more than a year ago.

But whether he’ll break back into the side must be a moot point. For there is an abundance of talent elsewhere in the squad.

It has often been said of Sturrock that his talents are in the lower leagues; and promotions with Sheffield Wednesday, Swindon Town, and of course Plymouth (esentially twice) seem to support this. He is yet to achieve anything massive above the lower levels, unfairly sacked at Wednesday (they’ve not got any better since) and Southampton (they’ve got a lot worse).

At St. Mary’s Luggy bought Peter Crouch, who scored a hatful of goals and was sold on at a massive profit. Given only thirteen games, Sturrock won a respectable five, but was hounded out by negative media coverage, and, allegedly, a dressing room revolt involving the likes of Kevin Phillips and James Beattie, ‘star’ names who apparently objected to their managers fashion sense and strict changing regimes. Both have long since left the Saints, who have plummeted out of the Premier League and towards financial meltdown.

Sturrock, it seems, does not suffer fools, or big egos gladly. He’ll have been pleased to find a refreshing absence of those at Plymouth. Despite three nightclub-related arrests of Argyle players in the last eighteen months – Marcel Seip (twice) and Ebanks-Blake the culprits – these are a hard-working bunch with a similar team ethic to that instilled in the rampant 2001-2004 sides.

Seip is a rock at the back, magnificently consistent and an excellent reader of the game. Timar, who nicked his second goal in as many games at Norwich, in so doing recalled one Graham Coughlan – a monstrous figure arriving late in the box, splitting the defence, and delivering a powerful header.

The Gallic pairing of Abdou and the veteran Lilian Nalis reflect many of the qualities the David Friio-Steve Adams partnership brought in the centre of the Argyle midfield. Nalis is a vastly improved version of Adams, winning the ball constantly, and subtly orchestrating the midfield, albeit with the technical ability, shooting boots, and attacking thrust the Plymothian lacked. ‘Jimmy’, meanwhile, has some way to go to match Friio’s legendary status, but arriving late in the box and slotting home like he did on Saturday is a good way to go about it.

In attack Ebanks-Blake, Jermaine Easter, Barry Hayles, and Rory Fallon provide Sturrock with a far more competent stable of strikers than during his initial tenure, but the real gem is on the left hand side of midfield.

Hungarian international Peter Halmosi was Argyle’s record signing when joining from Debrecen for £400,000 in the summer, making permanent and impressive loan spell. His displays this season have raised the bar for every player at the club, a constant source of creation and invention. All three strikes against Scunthorpe were products of his assists, and Luggy is clearly a fan.

Halmosi’s humble yet fiercely determined nature – he has made it clear he wants to play in the Premiership – mark him out at the archetypal Paul Sturrock player. He’ll surely be in the top league next season, with or without Argyle.

RICH PARTINGTON