Gutless. Witless. Pathetic.

One of the major problems with keeping a regular blog on your football team is that while it’s great fun to wax lyrical on famous victories and dazzling players, bringing yourself to write about those days when your heroes don’t quite cover themselves in glory isn’t quite as enjoyable.

So it is then that I’ve given myself a couple of days to recover from the farcical debacle of Tuesday night at Glanford Park, but the passing hours have barely dimmed how utterly appalled I am at Argyle’s performance in the 1-0 defeat against Scunthorpe United.

Admittedly, there were mitigating factors. The howling wind gusting off the Humber rendered anything but on-the-floor tactics impractical in the first half, and, under Paul Sturrock, this is not Argyle’s forte. But our brainless incompetence in adapting to this was still a site to behold, or rather, one I wish I hadn't. Once Scunthorpe – who were even worse than Argyle and comfortably the poorest side I’ve ever seen in the second tier of English professional football – managed to squeeze a rather fortunate effort past Luke McCormick early in the second half, referee Stuart Attwell appeared to decide that it would be easier, in such an awful game, for the team who scored first to win, and from there on in Argyle were the victims of a run of decisions almost as disgraceful as their performance.

The men in yellow were as awful as our luminous away kit. Lee Hodges, mystifyingly restored to left-back in place of the improving Gary Sawyer, insisted on hoofing the ball skywards every time he received it, despite the force of the wind curling every effort backwards. Hodges, who never had the technical gifts even for third level football but has often displayed enough grit and determination to disguise these failings, was on this occasion so bad that when McCormick was sent off on 71 minutes for handling the ball outside his area, Hodges replaced him and was actually better between the sticks than he had been outfield.

Steve McLean’s ridiculous ineptitude was almost funny, displaying an inability to complete one-yard passes or keep control of even the gentlest of loose balls. Argyle’s most expensive ever signing looked at best lost and at worst uninterested, and got absolutely nowhere near even having a shot at goal, let alone scoring. Lilian Nalis and Jimmy Abdou, in central midfield, were ineffectual to the extent that the only time they were noticed was when needlessly giving away the ball. Paul Connolly's primary achievement was managing to sky the white sphere high, over and out of the shack masquerading as a Championship football ground (which provoked such classics and "My garden shed is bigger than this...", and the more modern twist of "Is your ground from MFI?" from the Green Army) on three separate occasions.

The roll-call of villains in day-glo had a few notable exceptions. Jamie Mackie was given his first start at long last and was Argyle’s sole attacking threat, with the pace, energy, and desire lacking elsewhere. Picking up the ball and realising the rest of his team were going to be of little use, Mackie took on the Scunny defence single-handedly, beating defenders and causing havoc. Sturrock seemed to be mocking either Mackie, the fans, or perhaps even himself when choosing to withdraw the 22-year-old from Horsham for lost cause Rory Fallon. Luggy also refused to bring on Jermaine Easter, who had not even really deserved to be dropped, instead persevering with the hopeless McLean.

Gary Teale added more urgency when on as a sub for Chris Clark, who until this moment I had completely forgotten the existence of, such was his anonymity.

And Russell Anderson was generally able to neutralise what passed for a Scunthorpe attack, despite the goal.

Despite all of this, Argyle still should have won. Scunthorpe were a collective of clueless pub players with a dodgy keeper and a colander defence. On any other day the Greens should have won 7 or 8-0. It is laughable that Scunthorpe manager Nigel Adkins described his players as 'absolutely magnificent'. If that's true, I'd hate to see them on a bad day. No wonder there were less than 4000 home fans present.

It must be said that the 400 or so travelling supporters were, as usual, immense, providing faultless vocal encouragement for the majority of the game, until even the infinite stoicism which the average Argyle exile wears like a badge of honour began to disintegrate. The likes of Mackie and McCormick - the players that care - clearly appreciated this, and were not shy about showing it. A pumped fist from Mackie and a quick clap from Luke while play continued said it all. And the keeper gave the Green throng the best moment of the entire evening, clearing up a slack Connolly backpass with a nonchalant drag back and turn which left the advancing Scunny striker flailing.

The Argyle fans were certainly louder than their hosts. Even after scoring and at the final whistle, the Lincolnshire natives were largely silent, save for a dozen or so screeching kids immediately to our right. I have literally never encountered such an unenthusiastic home crowd, although as previously explained, their team provide little to shout about.

I’m struggling to decide whether the similarly poor results for Argyle’s playoff challengers – Hull, Ipswich, Charlton, and Wolves – in the last couple of days is a good or bad thing. On the one hand, we are still very much in the race - seventh, only a point away from the magical zone which will allow the extension of our season beyond 46 games. Had we beaten the Iron, as we really should have done, Argyle would be fifth on 58 points, two ahead of Charlton and Hull.

This is despite three defeats in four games, which really should have seen us left in the dirt. But the Championship is wildly unpredictable this season. I’d have said it was a poor league, but the FA Cup semi-final line-up, with three teams from the second tier present, somewhat contradicts this. And two of those, Barnsley (who have beaten two members of the ‘big four’, Liverpool and Chelsea, on their way to Wembley) and Cardiff, are nowhere near the playoffs.

So, in conclusion, if Argyle beat Bristol City at Ashton Gate on Saturday, which I doubt we will, then anything is possible. If we don’t, the playoff charge is definitely over. I’m sure of it. Maybe. Unless we then win a few games…

RICH PARTINGTON

Outplayed but never outsung

Twelve hours ago I awoke with the fuzzy, spreading glow of hope that the 2007-8 season may turn out to be the greatest in Plymouth Argyle’s history. And despite the 3-0 mauling the Greens got at West Bromwich Albion today, it refuses to leave me. Because the almost carnival atmosphere present amongst the 3000 travelling Pilgrims swarming to the Hawthorns provided a clear marker of the positive momentum which has already been accrued. This defeat felt like little more than a setback, and one achieved by an overly numerous margin.

As silver linings go, comprehensively outshouting your opponents from the stands is not to be sniffed at. From well before kick-off, in the pubs and streets of Sandwell, Westcountry accents bawled out all the old favourites and KC & The Sunshine Band-inspired newies. The 19,000 home fans were relatively subdued throughout proceedings, and even after each goal their Boinging seemed oddly restrained. The Green Army were able to eagerly indulge in mocking chants of the "worst support we’ve ever seen" variety, while, in contrast, proding a level of verbal support which was frankly astounding.

The effect of this on players like Paul Connolly and Kristian Timar was immediately obvious. The Baggies were clearly the more technically proficient side, but Argyle outfought them for large parts of the first half, until lacklustre defending allowed Zoltan Gera to scramble home on halftime. A sickening blow for Argyle, a slightly below-par visiting side failed to recover, and Uriah Rennie’s big club refereeing and two more scrappy goals put paid to our hopes.

But we roll on, now effectively joint-sixth with Ipswich, and Tuesday’s home clash with demotion-doomed Colchester United assumes significant importance. The line-up requires refreshment; Steve McLean currently looks lightweight and lacking in confidence, a pair of accusations which it would be unthinkable to level at Jamie Mackie – whose flashes of brilliance during limited runouts from the bench deserve greater exposure. Even today, with his team-mates low on ideas and drive with the game already lost, Mackie beat defenders, won free-kicks, and was unlucky not to be given a penalty after being clattered eight yards out. He deserves a full test alongside the hardworking Jermaine Easter.

Gary Teale is also yet to impress, while his second-half replacement today, Chris Clark, looked sprightly on returning from injury. Let’s hope the change is effective from 7.45pm in midweek.

Argyle should beat Colchester, but either way there is a new spirit and verve among fanbase and players which promises to bring greater glory.

RICH PARTINGTON

'The Three Maccateers' continue Argyle revival

A week is a long time in…blah blah blah.

But how apt a phrase that is today. Six points, two clean sheets, and a pair of commanding performances on, the pessimism pervading Plymouth Argyle at the end of January has given way to renewed hopes of a Championship play-off punt.

Argyle sit just two points outside the top six after Tuesday’s comprehensive 3-0 success at home to ten-man Barnsley, Yorkshire’s best side this year, who beat us 3-2 at Oakwell in August. Indeed, at the final whistle the BBC Sport website – which, for me, is the definitive resource for all football matters – actually had the Pilgrims sat in sixth spot , before a win for Ipswich at Crystal Palace and Burnley’s Andy Cole-inspired comeback at QPR dropped us back down to eighth.

Still, after I’d all but given up on a real run at promotion after the home defeat to Hull a couple of weeks ago, the race is very much back on and I’m chewing away at my green-and-white hat.

Luke McCormick deserves a huge amount of credit for this. Romain Larrieu’s return from injury this season appears to have spurred ‘Super Luke’ on, and, with the Frenchman out of action again, Luke has assumed a commanding status in the Argyle goal. For the first time, as well, McCormick looks the club’s undisputed number one, whoever he is competing with.

The Coventry-born stopper’s lack of height has been a traditional weakness, from the very first time I saw him – away at Tranmere in 2002, when 85 minutes of inspired shot-stopping was undone by two late blunders which gave the home side victory. Under the returning Paul Sturrock, though, McCormick has learned to mask this with aerial confidence and an exemplary all-round game. His kicking has always been long and strong; he thinks quickly and often wins one-on-one contests with opposing attackers.

There were rumours of interest from Middlesbrough in January, but these came to nothing. Luke would probably leave if an offer like this came in, but so would most Championship players. For now he seems content at Home Park, enjoying the lack of national expectation and pressure which goes with a 'bigger' club and quietly guiding his side up the table.

From looking likely to leave the club several times in the last couple of months – first after seeming to back Ian Holloway’s departure in a press statement, and then in the aftermath of an admittedly reasonable declaration that there could only be one first-choice keeper at Argyle – McCormick has established himself as the goalkeeping future at Home Park.

This is arguably less than fair on Larrieu, an Argyle legend and fan favourite, who has been unlucky with injuries. The growth in his abdomen currently keeping the Frenchman out is the latest in a string of problems, with a serious knee injury and a cancer scare forcing lengthy lay-offs while at Home Park. At 31, he is in the prime of his goalkeeping life, and will not want to play second fiddle to his young English rival, but it would be a shame to lose him.

While McCormick kept Barnsley at bay on Tuesday night the other ‘Maccateers’ (and I’m copywriting that phrase, by the way) were making the difference at the other end.
Record-signing Steve McLean’s free-kick gave Argyle a fifth minute lead, and the Scottish striker his first goal in green. The wily forward has been settling well, delighting the Green Army with his cleverness, technique, and reading of the game. But he needed a goal, and while he will never be an arch-poacher like Sylvan Ebanks-Blake, who he replaced in the number nine shirt, his overall qualities are of greater value to the team. McLean reportedly loves his new home, and he could form a great partnership with another new arrival.

Jamie Mackie was not, for Pilgrim fans, initially the most exciting signing in our history. He came from Exeter, a club we treat with withering disdain, and had only bagged 11 goals this season in a league three levels lower than the Championship.

On as a sub for the hard-working, pacy Jermaine Easter, however, and he looked a man possessed. Only eleven seconds had passed when Mackie charged into the box, took a pass from Peter Halmosi and displayed tremendous strength and composure in shrugging off two defenders to score. His second goal was even better, receiving the ball down the right channel, teasing and twisting the defender and smashing home.

It was one of the most inspired and surprising cameos I’ve seen from a player in green. Here is a rough diamond, clearly tremendously talented but also oozing arrogance and self-regard, as his dancing celebration displayed – personal glory is obviously a major priority for the 22-year-old from Dorking. But if he plays like that every week he can have a statue outside the Devonport End for all I care. Mackie’s a showman, a superstar in his own head, and with the potential to become one on the pitch as well. If anyone's going to take over SEB's goalscoring mantle, he has staked a prime claim to be that man. It's a little harsh on Easter, who has performed well for Argyle without getting the breaks, or goals. But Mackie made his own opportunities against Barnsley, and sometime's that's the sign of a great player, as opposed to a good one.

And Paul Wotton’s back! What a week!

Roll on Southampton, and I’m getting a bit excited just at the thought of it.

RICH PARTINGTON

Mackie signing emphasise gulf between Devon 'rivals'

This morning, after weeks of protracted negotiations, Plymouth Argyle finally completed the signing of Exeter City striker Jamie Mackie, for £145,000.

Less than eight years ago, on March 11 2000, Argyle had struggled to a 1-1 draw at St. James’ Park in a LEAGUE fixture – now, three divisions above, we are buying the Grecians’ best player to bolster our reserves.

And Pilgrims fans have actually been generally split about whether Mackie is a worthwhile signing. Many don’t feel that 11 goals in the Blue Square Premier this season (14 in all competitions) are ample enough proof of Championship-level potential. But the pursuit of Mackie by Argyle boss Paul Sturrock has been dogged, with a series of bids, and the manager clearly rates him. At the moment, the price looks a touch on the steep side, but if the 21-year-old Blue Square December player of the month can score goals in the second tier it will look a snip.

It seems unlikely he will get his chance immediately. Steve McLean has just been signed for a club record fee and looks likely to shine. Rory Fallon shows signs of becoming a useful target man. Jermaine Easter has performed well and, you feel just needs a few goals to boost his confidence. And Lukas Jutkiewicz, on loan from Everton, is a top prospect who has come to Argyle for first-team football.

The primary impression created by the signing saga, though, is a huge reminder of the differences between these clubs who, at times during their histories, could have been described as rivals. Argyle have always been the bigger club – their crowds, fanbase, and legacy of success have always dwarfed City’s, unsurprsing given that the city of Plymouth is more than twice the size of its neighbour up the A38. But there is still a real hatred between the two sets of fans, particularly the younger element, who grew up with Plymouth having only a marginally better team.

Certainly, though, the hatred comes a lot stronger from one way – every Exeter fan I have ever met loathes Argyle with a passion. Once, at Exeter bus station, I came very close to a kicking from a pair of City lads returning from their Conference fixture, simply for wearing an Argyle shirt. We weren’t even playing them! I was only 16, not exactly threatening in appearance, and quietly minding my own business. But that’s to be expected. It’s not uncommon to see red-and-white striped shirts with ‘WE 8 ARGYLE’ printed on the back – I’ve witnessed them all over the country, and it always makes me chuckle. Sure, the Zoo Corner still sings of their mothers’ apparent order to ‘shoot the City scum’, but it’s more out of having no-one else to replace them with – Bristol City are more bothered about Rovers and Cardiff, and Torquay are essentially an irrelevance, who many Argyle fans support as a second team.

For many, of course – the old Navy boys, the Marines, and the dockyard workers, who once comprised the majority of Argyle’s fanbase, and still make up a decent chunk of present and exiled support – the big rivals are Saturday’s FA Cup Third Round opponents, Portsmouth.

The two south coast port currently host the south coast’s two best teams, and although Pompey fans are largely more bothered with Southampton, this match will be the main one for all men of sea and dock. In 1983, the enmity reached its peak when Portsmouth came to Argyle on the final day of the season, needing a win to seal the old Third Division Championship. They won 1-0, but the match was marred by hundreds of Pompey hooligans breaking through the barriers and charging through the Lyndhurst, causing many injuries among the Green Army.

Under Harry Redknapp, and backed by Alexandre Gaydamak’s shady millions, the Hampshire club are at their peak, European challengers for the past few seasons and currently sitting 8th in the Premiership. Despite the fantastic television spectacle and atmosphere Fratton Park’s ‘Battle of the Dockyards’ will surely provide, the BBC and Sky have yet again plumped for such irritating yawn-fests as Wigan v Chelsea, likely to be played in a half-empty stadium.

However, after requests from Navy and Marine personnel across the world, the match will be fed live to the forces, giving them a rare and welcome chance to watch their teams. This is a gesture which must be strongly applauded – but the question remains, why couldn’t ordinary British people have the same privilege? Portsmouth versus Plymouth has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?

With Pompey having the noisiest fans in the Premiership and a full ground every week, and Argyle arguably the best travelling support in the football league, this promises to be a cracker – in the stands, at least. On the pitch, the Pilgrims may struggle to deal with stars like Nico Kranjcar and Benjani Mwaruwari – unless all even are at the top of their game, or the hosts field an under-strength side. Argyle’s cause has been somewhat aided with several Pompey players, including Sulley Muntari, away at the African Cup of Nations. If David Norris for the visitors, it is likely to be his swansong in green. Hopefully he’ll want to go out with a banging cup upset.

RICH PARTINGTON

Same old story for Cheltenham

Even having only followed the fortunes, or misfortunes of Cheltenham Town for just over a year, their lack of luck in the transfer market is already starting to get on my nerves. Players reject loan moves due to our obscurity (Phil Jevons), and we also have to contend with Blue Square Premier clubs valuing their players in excess of £250K. Maybe in the case of Forest Green goal machine Stuart Fleetwood, the valuation isn't too excessive but Jamie Mackie? I'd never heard of him until I heard of Cheltenham's interest.

A quick check on Wikipedia told me he'd got three goals since 2005. Thankfully this seems to be wrong information, although in any case, Plymouth Argyle, now with a fresh £1.5M from the sale of Dan Gosling to Everton, have the cash to splash about so £250K will seem like nothing to them. However a move for Bristol City striker Steve Brooker looks to be on the cards, and if he has as much as an affect as Dean Sinclair did, I'll be delighted.

On the football side of things, Cheltenham won a crucial game against bottom club Port Vale 1-0, with Paul Connor getting the goal. Barring a miracle, Vale look doomed, well adrift of 20th place. Cheltenham are still five points behind, with another six pointer against Bournemouth to come on Saturday. Robins fans will be hopeful of a repeat of their last gasp 1-0 win almost a year ago.

The relegation battle looks as intriguing as it did last year, with Luton having been dragged into it by their points deduction, and Bristol Rovers anxiously looking over their shoulders. Statistically speaking, Cheltenham are in almost exactly the same position as they were last season, which should serve to encourage, as they ended up surviving quite comfortably last time around.

Meanwhile, chairman Paul Baker has put forward plans to either expand Whaddon Road, or move stadiums. While Whaddon Road is a lovely, old-fashioned, typical lower league football ground, most people (especially away fans) will admit that its location is obscure to say the least. If I didn't live a stone's throw away I'd struggle to find it without a very good map.
So apart from the lack of luck in the transfer window, things seem to be looking up for the Robins.

JAMES LEWIS